What if you realised a huge chunk of your stress could be avoided?

This single approach is the most effective way of reducing stress in your life.

Modern life is a complicated mess. Sometimes it feels like we’re being asked to control a runaway train. We tackle one problem, only for two more to take its place. We look to our neighbours and colleagues and see them tearing their hair out too, and we begin to accept that constant stress is just an inevitable part of life. But not so.

Granted, there are some stresses that are simply unavoidable—illness, loss, unexpected hardship, putting food on the table, life-shaping events outside our control. But a surprising amount of our suffering comes from the choices we make; from things we willingly enter into. The job we accepted. The goals we set. The commitments we agreed to. The abstract standards we hold ourselves to. That judgemental person inside our head that never shuts up.

Each month, millions of people log online and ask, “How can I feel less stressed?” I think what they actually mean is, “How can I feel less stressed without changing anything?” But here’s the crux: if your life is stressful, then feeling less stressed may really require changing how you live.

Yes, there are many skills you can learn in order to cope with stressful situations—mindfulness, meditation, mental fortitude, etc (all of which I use myself)—but these will always, always have their limitations.

If you really want to start reducing the stress in your life, we need to take some advice from the world of marshal arts. When it comes to physical combat, the golden rule of self defence is: