Part of my 11-day course “Mindfulness Made Easy”
Over the past lessons we’ve covered all the areas you’ll need in order to start incorporating mindfulness into your everyday routine. By practising some of these varied approaches, you can begin to make significant changes in your life.
Don’t try to do everything all at once. If you try to introduce too many changes simultaneously, it will be too large a task. It will be impossible to remember all the details and techniques sufficiently in order to do them justice. Consequently, you may become frustrated, or unable to make the progress you were expecting.
Instead, why not aim for the low-hanging fruit by introducing some of the simpler mindful practices on offer? For instance, something as simple as being present in the moment is something we can all strive for. Wherever we are, whatever we are doing, striving to be more anchored in the place and situation that you are in. Being attentive to your environment, situation or activity, is such a simple habit, and yet it can be life-changing.
Learn to check yourself from time to time. Ask the question: “Am I being mindful?” If you catch yourself becoming embroiled in circular thoughts, or dwelling on things that make you stressful or anxious, or simply allowing your conscious inner voice to prattle on and clutter your mind with triviality, simply and calmly return your awareness to the present, and let those thoughts float off into the ether.
Engaging with real life
The same process can happen when we catch ourselves staring at our phones or other screens. They are, unfortunately, seriously addictive, and even if we slip into our virtual online worlds for legitimate reasons, it is all too easy to get sucked into our social media, scrolling on a never-ending feed.
Missing out on beautiful moments in real life can be a tragedy. Most of us would probably accept that the experience of a breathtaking landscape, or of a golden sunset, or of a joke with a friend, or a treasured family moment, is qualitatively richer than finding out the latest celebrity gossip or political headlines. And yet, so addictive are our screens, that we often choose to ignore the world that is unfolding before us, in favour of a feed that shows things happening hundreds or thousands of miles away.
Missing out on unique, real experiences is one thing, but missing out on moments with loved ones can be a tragic waste. Spending time being emotionally present when in the company of others is one of the key ingredients for maintaining healthy relationships, forging life-long memories and increasing the overall happiness in your life. It is also a pretty good definition of being mindful—being present in the unfolding moment.
Picture a family, or a group of friends who are all occupied in their own private worlds, on their screens—physically present, but utterly unengaged with one another. And then picture that same set of people chatting, laughing, exchanging ideas and news, playing games, generally expressing their love for each other by having a great time together. Which scenario do you think is the better for mental health, or general happiness, or for the human spirit?
Yes, sometimes we get over-stimulated, and all need to de-stress and take a break from the world around us. Having some quite alone time is certainly nothing to feel bad about. But all too often, I have seen familial groups in cafés, in parks, in public, private buildings, and even in living rooms, all ignoring each other. And I wonder, how has it become like this? How much do these people really know each other? Are they at risk of losing those connections that once bound them together?
If being mindful can teach us anything, it is that the largest resource for feeling joyous and loved and connected with the world are the people in our lives. For those of us who are lonely, there are opportunities for connections everywhere, if we so choose to take that leap.
Human connections
Whether picking your kids up from school, or waiting for a bus, or being in the canteen at work, or in any social situation where interaction is possible, try putting your phone away. Very often, when we find ourselves in a situation that is potentially socially awkward, we reach for our pocket and swipe open our phones, so that we look busy rather than lonely. We use our phones as a shield. It protects us from feeling embarrassed. We mistakenly think that it makes us look busy or engaged in something too important to put down in order to chat to someone. But we all see through that disguise because we are all guilty of doing it.
Instead, dare yourself to look up. Dare yourself to keep your phone in your pocket and instead look around you, take in your surroundings. Listen to the activity unfolding. Take in the Tao of the moment.
And if you feel so inclined, say hello to someone. Strike up a conversation. Bad at small-talk? Why not ask someone a question and let them do the talking? People love to talk if they feel someone is genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you are unable to think of things to say, simply take an interest in what the other person has to say, and ask follow up questions. Pretty soon you may find you are indeed, genuinely interested, and are learning something new.
When taking an interest in someone else’s hobbies or family life, or strife at work seems too much effort, I often remind myself: “Why should anyone be interested in what I have to say, if I can’t in turn make the effort to show an interest in them?” That is the essence of being social—taking an interest—because if no-one took an interest in other people, we would all be lonely islands.
Enjoy your environment
Being mindfully present isn’t just about engaging with the people around us, it extends to the environment we find ourselves in. As we go about our day, it is often easy to tune out our surroundings. When we are being mindful, it is important to keep returning our awareness to the environment about us. The world is a rich and beautiful place. There are things to observe and enjoy everywhere. We may be intent on getting to the shops and trying to remember our grocery list, and fail to notice the blossom on the trees, and their fragrance, before it disappears for another year. We may be blind to the interesting architecture of the buildings or the way sunlight reflects in a rippling puddle. The world is rendered in high definition. It is immersive. It is there to be savoured. From time to time, recall your attention to the wondrous forms and textures and sensations and sounds about you. Choose to disengage your all-consuming inner dialogue, and explore the endless works of art that are there to enrich and fascinate.
Working on your mindful habits
Remember, habits and social skills aren’t formed overnight, and whatever mindfulness technique you are currently trying to introduce, keep in mind that these things take time. Sometimes we have to gently remind ourselves in order to stay on track. If we discover that we have slipped back into our old patterns of behaviour, do not lose heart. It is completely natural. Try not to get frustrated or berate yourself. Simply accept, without judgement, that this is where you are at, and try again once more to enter into mindful practices.
Only after some time, and probably a number of lapses, will you cement your new mindful habits. It is very likely that the simple pleasures you gain, and the benefits to your overall well-being will be encouragement enough to keep trying, even when you catch yourself becoming stressed or entangled in unnecessary thoughts.
Mindfulness is often about reducing our overall stimulation. In today’s world, we have a real problem of overstimulation. From every angle, we can be bombarded with music, adverts, images, distractions, noises of traffic, machinery, crowded places. TV and internet glare at us from our screens. Our contacts are able to reach us at any time, no matter what our location. Even specially designed aromas can crowd around us to grab our attention, from coffee shops, bakeries, perfume shops or fast food outlets. Being mindful in these sorts of environments can feel like opening the floodgates to an overwhelming onslaught of sensory input. Finding a counterbalance to this is essential to surviving in the modern world with our nerves and mental well-being intact.
Putting it all together
Now that you have learned about the various skills covered in this course, let’s look at what it might look like if we were to put them into practise and live the kind of lifestyle that a mindful person might aspire to.
The following two sections illustrate two very different examples. In the first case, we visit a woman who leads an idealised life, free from all those stressful trappings of modern living that we have to contend with on a daily basis. Hers is a life that does not have to deal with bills, or worrying about finances, or powerlessness, or having to put up with unpleasant working conditions, or rush-hour traffic.
Whilst this kind of lifestyle may be beyond the practical reach of most of us, I nonetheless wanted to include it as an inspiring fantasy—the kind of society where many of the problems of our modern world have been solved, and where people can concentrate their efforts in living a contented, productive and mindful life, in peace with one another. An example to hold up to our own lives and ask which parts of society we would like to change. An image in which we may all find something to aspire to.
So here’s a day in the life of a person who has had the fortune to achieve peak mindfulness and contentment.
An ideal day in the life of a mindful person
Vita awakes gently, roused by the first tentative strains of birdsong drifting in through the open window. Sleepy calls are echoing through the tangled willows of the vale, inquiring if anyone is awake. The last few crickets are making their farewells and quietly slipping away. Calmly, and contentedly, Vita comes to her senses, allowing consciousness to fill its cup and bring her into wakefulness. She experiences her breath, and then the breath of the outside air on her face, carrying to her ear the sound of birdsong. All is well. Now, feeling refreshed, she pushes back the covers, walks into the living space and looks out over the vista.
It is predawn. The last handful of stars linger in the embers of the night sky. The inky blackness has melted away leaving a soft glowing blue, pregnant with possibilities for the new day. After a few stretches, Vita moves outside to sit on the veranda, a blanket around her shoulders. Clutching a steaming cup of herbal tea, she is watching the silhouetted land before her—the rolling pastures below, the stand of nearby trees, the distant mountains, and the rocky shoulder of the hill on which her home is perched.
Over the next hour she watches and listens and places her fullest, stillest attention onto her experience. As the world wakes up. As the dawn chorus blossoms into full voice, as the stars fade and the blue continues to lighten. As the wispy clouds flush pink in anticipation. As the silhouettes of rock and leaf and terrain take on form and the detail of subtle illumination. As the steam from her cup coils ever upward and sets forth on an adventure. And then finally, triumphantly, silently, the fire of the sun casts its flames across the land. Peaches, golds, oranges and bronze, bouncing off every surface as the unearthly orb breaches the horizon and passes into sky.
When the sun’s warmth reaches the veranda, Vita discards her blanket and begins her routine of yoga, settling into each pose, feeling the stretch, the sensations of her muscles, the warm burn, and the training that allows her to simply accept these feelings and hold her position. She ends the routine with ‘Salute to the Sun’, and goes inside to eat a simple breakfast with her family. She sits at the old table and notices the grain running along the length of each plank.
With each mouthful, Vita tries to maintain her awareness on the sensations that arise from her eating. The tastes, the textures, the satisfying chewy toughness of the bread’s crust. The sound of the apple as she bites into it. She listens to the first birds squabble over the feeder on the porch. Without judgement, she notices the moment, and allows her awareness to seep into the complexity of each facet. As the rest of the family joins her, the four of them chat together about the dreams they had during the night, about the coming day, and the playful jokes that strengthens bonds between loved ones.
After breakfast, she and her partner move outside to tend to her crops, whilst the children start their schoolwork on the veranda. Her morning will be spent watering, digging, pruning, potting on, harvesting, and each activity will bring a new set of experiences to delight in, as well as checking her daughter’s maths problems every now and then. The sensual pleasure of sinking one’s hands into the earth, of noticing the teeming life at every level, on every surface, even under the soil. The aching satisfaction of exertion—having used one’s body to affect a productive change, of noticing the muscles and bones work in effective concert.
At mid-morning, everyone takes a break, and Vita gulps down a flask-full of clear, refreshing cold water. It is delightful. The family takes this chance to walk around the garden and vegetable beds to examine and observe. With mindful fascination and curiosity, the woman sinks to a crouch and looks closely at the miniature terrains and territories that unfold about her crops. Insects, wildflowers and invertebrates show themselves upon quiet watching, like the first stars of an evening sky. After a time of stillness, birds begin to approach, hopping closer and closer, in search of a worm, exposed in the upturned earth.
Vita examines the health of the leaves of her fruit bushes and the new green shoots sprouting from the bare ground. She tries to extend her mind into the soil, into the seedlings and plants. She reaches out with her empathy in an attempt to behold and understand the lifecycle around her—to be cognisant of the unfolding ecosystem. To perhaps sense its soul. As if taken to her feet by a passing breeze, she drifts contentedly toward the water spout and begins to fill the can.
Watering is a pleasure. It is, in of itself, a moving meditation. The children, having finished their academic work for the day, help her in watering the crops, and then in picking fruit from the orchard.
Before the highest heat of the day, Vita walks with her family, down the lane and into the village. Her children meet up with some friends to explore the nearby woods, and her partner peels off to spend an hour or two helping out in the communal kitchens.
Meanwhile, Vita pays a visit to the temple, to offer thanks, pledge her daily gratitudes, and to reflect upon the various marble figures, and how they represent different facets of personal and social life. Gheddic, sitting cross-legged, gently smiling; the epitome of peace and mindfulness. Jaga, the symbol of society and a collective consciousness. Yisha, and the embodiment of poverty and suffering, as he offers the charity of his strength to rebalance the scales of equality. And Shiin, the ethereal embodiment of the Tao.
After a time, Vita leaves to meet with friends for her median meal. They sit and laugh and exchange their news, in an eatery that looks out over the river. In the meadows next to the woods, she can see her children playing with sticks. A flock of birds wheels above them, skirting the edge of the trees. Then, after she has made sure her children have eaten, she moves off with her friends to look at the village work-board, scanning the notes left by project leaders and finding a volunteer task for the afternoon.
The next few hours are spent fixing fences for a farmer on the outskirts, and then filling in some potholes on the main street into the village. After a well-earned drink of tea in the square, she says goodbye to her friends and meets up with her partner and kids, where they make for home.
Her partner has collected some ingredients for the evening meal, and together with one of the children, set to work in the kitchen. Whilst the food cooks, Vita plays music with her youngest child. She sets out a curved array of bronze singing bowls, her child perched in the centre, striking and stroking their rims. Sinking into the warming, meditative currents of creativity, she improvises on the reedy wooden flute, bending and warbling the tones like the rippling movements of water as it burbles downstream.
Creating music, especially with others, elevates her soul into a higher plane of pleasure and connectedness. All other thoughts are lost to the pure and ever-shifting sounds. Threading her path the melodies and harmonies with her child, as if it were a dance.
The evening meal is rich with flavour and spice, and the family share their experience together in good spirits. After everyone has helped clean up, the family go for an evening stroll down into the vale, following the river path, and away into nature. The air is thick with early-evening birdsong. Fish can be spotted in the undulating waters of the river. They hover in one place against the currents, to aerate their gills and remain basking in the last patches of light.
As the path winds up through the meadows, the tall grasses stir, as if whispering about the humans passing by. Vita sits under the ashvattha tree, and whilst the children play hide and seek, she meditates, facing the slowly setting sun. In another twenty minutes, it will kiss the horizon, and it will be time to head for home. In the distance, the eternal presence of the mountains presses onto her awareness. They sit there in stoic tranquillity, watching the world’s unending meditation, without judgement. They are unmoved by the tumult of human affairs unfolding before them.
For a time, she attains mindful stillness. She reaches out to those mountains with her empathy and glimpses their silent wisdom. Time works on a different scale there. It is a ribbon that stretches onward forever and ever, and for a brief moment, the mindful woman is truly able to let go of the present, to look up from the minute stitches and folds that represent her own affairs, toward the greater course that the ribbon takes as it extends in both directions. She feels peaceful. Contented. She feels a part of something much, much greater. And that makes her glad, and comforted.
During this realisation, she understands that she can let go of the complex frustrations and dramas that can often seem so important. She understands now, that it’s the simple things that matter, and should be her main concern.
So as her children return from their play, she embraces them with loving affection, and a swelling heart. She is a human being, surrounded by humans that love her. Experiencing a happy, loving and kind life are the only goals that matter. Prestige, social accolades, celebrity, riches, ambition, legacy—they feel like empty conceits. The mountains will still be sitting long after everyone’s achievements and fortunes are forgotten. The distant moons will still orbit distant planets aeons after people’s most lasting legacies have faded. For this briefest stitch in time, we small, innocent humans have the chance to live peacefully, happily and contentedly with one another. For the ribbon moves ever onward, and we shall all melt away to make space for the next being in this beautiful, unfolding world.
Vita kisses her children goodnight, and tucks them into their beds. She and her partner move outside to the veranda to watch the stars come out. They notice each other’s arms drawing them closer. They notice each others breathing, and the warmth of their bodies. They are complete.
***
This second example features a woman called Jill in a similar stage of life to Vita, with a comparable family situation, but with the crucial difference that she is trying her best to live mindfully whist living and working in a modern, twenty-first century urban environment. She experiences many of the daily stresses that we are all familiar with, and tries to utilise her mindfulness techniques to navigate what are less-than-ideal circumstances.
As you read the following account, try to compare Jill’s routine to your own daily life, and ask yourself which of her mindful techniques might be useful to your own situation. Also, having read a day in the life of Vita, are there any life-changes Jill could make that would help her move away from a stressful lifestyle and further toward the lifestyle that Vita enjoys?
A mindful person in modern everyday life
Jill lives in a London flat, and needs to somehow find a way to achieve mindfulness and a sense of peace, if she is to withstand the stresses and demands of modern living.
It’s another day in the city. Another ten million souls careening through tarmacked channels, though underground tunnels, inside noisy vehicles or along crowded concourses. Jill knows that its rhythms and the strict obligations and responsibilities that are wedded to city living leave little space for peacefulness, or mind-space, or flexibility. Stress and conflict, and over-stimulations threaten from all sides.
The lifelong chain of events that brought Jill to this complicated modern lifestyle is messy and littered with compromises. She dreams of living life a little slower, with a little more greenery, and perhaps the time and space to enjoy the good moments fortune brings. She dreams of a society where money worries are obsolete, and life isn’t simply about surviving. But she is where she is, and until she can get to where she wants to be, she tries to weave mindfulness into her routine as best she can.
Wednesday. The middle of the week. It’s a work day, and a day full of extra tasks on top of being at the office. Instead of having the luxury of waiting until her body is ready to wake, she needs to rise early in good time before her commute. So, to minimize the sickening, adrenalin-fuelled shock that her normal alarm clock induces, she employs a gentle wake-up app on her phone.
At 6:25 am, her phone begins to glow, ever-so-gently, simulating a sunrise. Over twenty minutes, the soft glow grows brighter, gently prodding Jill’s mind to float out of deep sleep and into the comfortable semi-awareness of light sleep. And since Jill went to bed at a reasonable time, the transition is painless and feels natural. At 6:45, the alarm transitions to playing birdsong, again, gently at first, and then louder over the next five minutes. This is Jill’s signal to awake fully, and even though she lives in a fourth floor apartment in a built-up area, for a while at least, she can feel like she’s waking up surrounded by nature.
With a wistful sigh, Jill prepares mentally for the day ahead, and cannot help but feel the familiar pang of anxiety as she runs though the day’s responsibilities and possible outcomes or pitfalls. It’s a feeling she’s had to cope with since her early school days, but over the last year, she has employed a technique to help stop it in its tracks before it gets out of control.
Getting out of bed and hugging her arms, she walks down the chilly hallway and into the bathroom where she steps into the shower and sets it onto cold. Jill has never been one to enjoy the cold, and the thought of cold showers was initially the stuff of nightmares. But after hearing of the benefits to both her immune system and her anxiety she decided to try it. After about a week, she found that her physical response to cold had changed, and the refreshing sensation of cold water washing over her was in fact pleasurable.
In the shower, Jill practises mindful breathing and thinking. She observes the quickening of her breath as she first steps into the water, and the sharpness of the icy cold that awakens every inch of her skin. After some brisk washing, she then enjoys the flow of water cascading over her. It is a great way to be completely in the moment. All other thoughts are washed away. She feels, even in this artificial environment, somehow more connected to the natural world. She can imagine the water, having first fallen on the hills, trickling through mountain streams and into rivers, collecting in the reservoir before finally reaching her shower.
The cold is pleasurable. Strangely, it has become as pleasurable as a hot shower. Indeed, she is happy to stay there, and could stay longer. But after five or ten minutes, she steps out of the shower and dries off. Her body feels refreshed and alive. She does not feel the chill of the early-morning apartment. The blood-flow to her skin makes her feel aglow. Plunging her system into the cold water has triggered beneficial responses that kick her immune system into gear. Like her pre-history ancestors, living amongst the elements, her body is geared to respond to such stimuli and over the last year, she has enjoyed rude health, instead of the string of never-ending colds and bugs she used to endure.
But the cold shower has also brought her other benefits. She feels wide awake, alert and refreshed, rather than groggy and sick with tiredness. More than this, her brain has been flooded with feel-good hormones to counter the shock of the cold. She now rides a wave of positivity and contentment as she gets dressed. No longer is her breakfast routine coloured by background anxiety. This, perhaps, is the most significant change her cold shower routine has brought her. It helps with her mindfulness, because as she goes into the kitchen to prepare breakfast, no longer is her mind plagued by negative thoughts about the coming day. Instead, with an underlying feeling of contentment, she can enjoy the here and now—boiling the kettle, eating her muesli, watching the birds peck at the feeders on the window sill. She is able to enjoy the moment.
Jill knows that there will be plenty of circumstances during the day that will test her resolve and elevate her stress levels. But she knows the importance of setting the day off on the right foot. For this reason, she makes the conscious effort not to look at the news first thing in the morning. In fact, she avoids being online altogether. Sometimes, she watches the steam rise from her cup of tea, immersed in a moment of peace. Or she might read a book. A book that was written with deliberation, creativity, research and intent, rather than the reactionary comments of a social media feed. A book that had gone through the editorial and reviewing process.
Somehow, books feel more weightier and worthy than her social media feeds. The internet, whilst containing copious amounts of useful information, is very good at tapping into that addictive side of Jill. She knows that once she starts down a rabbit hole of browsing, she probably will end up at the same few websites, scrolling and scrolling. And she knows that the draw of it is such that she will continue right up to and beyond the point when she ought to be getting ready to leave the apartment.
In addition to this, the news she will read may be upsetting and bleak, or the social media feeds will leave her feeling hollow or inadequate. Jill realised some months ago that a diet of internet scrolling was like a diet of junk food. And she has felt a lot better since limiting her usage.
As Jill finishes off mindfully eating her breakfast, she takes a vitamin D supplement hoping to boost her mental and physical health, especially since she cannot expose her skin to the sunshine enough at this latitude, to make a difference—not when she spends most of her day in an office. Getting through the winter months has been much easier with vitamin D supplements. She doesn’t feel nearly as down.
As Jill corrals her daughters to get ready for school, she brushes her teeth, and tries to keep her mind on the moment. Brushing teeth isn’t that exciting, and so it’s very easy for her mind to wander onto the coming day, playing out different possible and probable events and how they might unfold. Usually, this leads to stressful thoughts about potential pitfalls and difficult situations. This is why Jill calmly coaxes her attention back to the present, whenever she catches herself dwelling on stressful imaginings.
She tries to perceive the Tao of the moment—its essence or spirit. Her daughters are squabbling over which packet of crisps to pack for lunch, and her partner is calling goodbye from the hallway, and she struggles to reply with a mouth full of foam. Traffic can be heard through the open bathroom window. The moment is not a perfect one. She can’t push away the fact that her girls need to be ready within the next five minutes. So she tries, without judgement, to place her awareness on the idiosyncratic sounds of her loved ones, knowing that their very presence is fact to be grateful for. She is loved, and in turn loves. She is in a space within which she can feel safe. For the next five minutes at least, the rest of the world can wait.
As she calls out that it’s time to leave the house, she can feel the tension of being late pressing against her awareness. How can she remain calm when placed in seemingly impossible situations? Children who can’t get to sleep, despite a sensible bedtime, and are therefore slow to rise, and crabby at being nagged. Children who seem to have no concept of time, and zero urgency. A clock that seems to whizz through the minutes faster than they should. And a ream of responsibilities that obligates her to navigate gridlocked roads or delayed trains and be at certain places at certain times, whatever the circumstances.
Jill asks herself: “How can I stay mindful during such situations?” Situations that seem designed to elevate the blood-pressure, and stomach acid and cortisol levels.
Jill remembers to breath through her nose. Long, pleasing breaths. Pushing out and rounding her belly with each inhalation. Even in the most testing situations, there are still simple pleasures over which she has control, and upon which she can place her awareness.
The school run is always a challenge. Sitting in stationary traffic queues, it’s so easy to angst over which route would have been better. Watching the clock tick by. Navigating the aggressive drivers and the barely visible cyclists, and hoping that HGV driver has seen her in his mirrors. Letting go of the stressful thoughts can be extremely challenging. But she has found different techniques to help her. Calming music sometimes helps to change the mood and balance what’s going on outside. She continues her slow, deliberate breathing exercises, regulating the rhythm of the in out, in out.
She remembers to breath deeply, rather than triggering the fight or flight response by breathing fast and shallow. Without judgement, she allows the stressful thoughts to float on past her minds eye, like balloons drifting off into the sky. They are just thoughts, she tells herself, and not useful ones at that. She focuses on the present moment, knowing that whilst in transit, there is nothing more she can do to alter her arrival time but continue on her course. She makes an effort to relax those muscles in her neck and back, and around the forehead, that tend to tense up. The present moment is all there is.
None of these techniques, by themselves, can alleviate what is an inherently testing situation—a ridiculously convoluted exercise in frustration, seemingly designed to be fraught. Especially when her daughters are squabbling in the back seat. But the techniques help her to cope. Who on earth designed this system!?
At work, Jill sits at her desk, staring at the computer screen. From the outside, everything seems innocuous and calm, a person simply tapping away at the keyboard, absorbing an array of numbers. Internally, Jill is having to carefully navigate a series of emotional pitfalls as she battles to fulfil a portfolio of challenging deadlines.
Being mindful at work asks a lot of Jill’s concentration and stamina. The office dynamic and company set-up places a lot of difficult situations in her path, ones she is expected to handle with professionalism and aplomb. But the company’s culture of hiding one’s discomfort, gives the false impression that the workloads are acceptable. That to complain would make you less able than your colleagues, and even suggest an inability to do the job. So instead, Jill mitigates the weight on her soul by employing different mindful techniques.
Sometimes she is able to put her earphones in and listen to calming music, or ambient sounds, such as birdsong in a wildflower meadow. Just hearing the breath of wind tousling the grasses whisks her imagination a thousand miles from the office and the city. Sometimes she listens to Tibetan monks as they perform their meditative rituals. Other times she listens to the sounds of a fantasy medieval village, or the seaside—whatever takes her fancy.
When she can, she opens the window a little to let the sounds and breeze from the courtyard below creep in and brush her face. At other times she drinks water, cool and refreshing, abstaining from coffee and other stimulants—tempting as it is to ‘dose up and power on through,’ as seems to be the office culture.
As often as she can, she regulates her breathing, performing exercises to keep her heart rate steady. She also maintains a healthy posture, shifting position regularly, performing small muscle stretches and exercises. To prevent eye and neck strain, she saves up little tasks that will give her five minutes break from her screen.
With her colleagues, she has to maintain her position of non-judgement, no matter how much her resolve is tested.
“Remember,” she tells herself, “if I were in their position, leading their lives, with their life-experience and their mind and body, I would be behaving just as they are. Which means that I cannot judge them for being who they are, simply I must accept them and work out how best to deal with the situation before me.”
And by trying to see the best in people, and give them the benefit of the doubt, she has developed several friendships that greatly help to get through the day.
At lunchtime, she makes a point of avoiding ultra-processed food. Easy as it is to buy convenient snacks made with highly synthesised or chemically altered ingredients, Jill tries her best to either bring a packed lunch—such as her home-made chickpea and red pepper salad—or buy simple foods such as fruit, veg or crusty bread. Sometimes she enjoys a little street food if she is feeling lavish, especially if she sees the falafel stall in the square.
Having fresh food not only keeps her more awake during the afternoon, but it’s natural, complex taste is more stimulating to her palette than the packet of sugar/salt-packed reconstituted palm-oil that comes off the shelf with a 3 year sell-by date. She has fewer dietary issues, her teeth and hair and skin feel great, she feels healthier and happier, her anxiety as decreased, and she doesn’t crave more and more junk-food in a viscous circle because her gut-biome has regenerated to healthy and diverse levels. To top it all off, fresh ingredients are just cheaper, which is easier on the bank balance and thus reduces her stress.
Lunchtime in the park. Jill sits on a bench, tucks into her lunch and enjoys the sunshine. In this sanctuary of an hour, she can enjoy the birdsong, watch the world go by, or engage in observing something other than the merry-go-round of human affairs. She practices her mindful empathy by trying to reach inside the mind of a sparrow as it hops around looking for crumbs. Or the small platoon of ants that are scouting the blades of grass at her feet. She watches the squirrel trying to keep on the opposite side of the tree-trunk to the kids playing football. She notices how the leaves on the trees have unfurled to their full size now, losing their bright spring-green hue. She notices the different layers of occasional cloud as it floats past, trying to identify each kind.
As she moves her attention away from people, and the social structures and baggage that go hand in hand, she sees that the world is so much more—even in the city. There are different levels, and entirely different scales of life, that are completely oblivious or unconcerned with human affairs. In the crack of a brick, on the chimney stack of a high-class building, there grows a weed. Clinging onto life, grabbing its chance to catch some sunlight. It is completely oblivious to the fact that it resides on the rooftop of a prestigious law-firm. Hiding away from the activity below, it makes a mockery of the polished profile that the building puts out at street-level.
Jill imagines how the dandelion seed might have travelled, on the back of the wind, or picked up and carried by an ant, lucky enough to lodge itself in such an out-of-the-way crack. She takes in the weed, with all the attention and thoughtfulness deserving of a fine painting in nearby art gallery.
For the rest of her lunch break, she gets in some much-needed exercise by walking through the park and thinking happily about the plot of a novel she might like to write. Having a project on the go is always good for the spirit—something completely unrelated to work, something that excites and stimulates her, just thinking about it. Jill has been thinking of her novel for the past couple of months, working out the finer details, writing notes, and a few passages here and there. Indulging in this thinking means that she can never be bored. Moreover, whatever the situation, when she gets a spare minute, the day can be brightened.
Having a private project or hobby to let your mind fall back on is like having a secret plane ticket to a far-away country hidden in your pocket. Just getting it out and looking at it can lighten your mood.
When back at her desk for the afternoon stint, Jill feels a little more positive after a happy lunchtime. To keep riding the wave of positivity, she takes from her draw a small figurine of an androgynous Buddha, sitting cross-legged and smiling blissfully.
This figurine has been a godsend. So often, Jill finds her mood being sucked back into the chaotic push and pull of office politics, deadlines and stresses. But the figurine reminds her of a state of mind she can aspire to—a sense of tranquillity and non-judgemental mindfulness. The world may be chaotic, but the figurine continues to let everything flow over them, unmoved by the tumult.
Whenever Jill feels her cortisol levels spike, she glances back at the figurine and it helps to centre her once again. The friendly Buddha smiles at her with serene encouragement. Even when she is away from her desk, she has imbued the figurine with a character and life of its own, to the extent that she can call upon its power just by picturing it. Though it doesn’t quite compare to looking at the real thing.
Sometimes, if the stress of her role is beginning to churn up negative thoughts, she remembers to take a mental step back and describe, without judgement or attachment, what she is thinking: “I am experiencing self-critical thoughts.” This can often be enough to stop the unhealthy spiral in its tracks.
Today is one of the days Jill clocks off a little early, so she can take the kids to their after-school activities. It’s always a hectic turnaround, not least because she has to, once again, navigate all that traffic. The homeward commute has a different flavour. Gone is the stress of not knowing whether she’ll be late for work. In it’s place is the exhaustion from a long day, and the frustrated longing to be home, knowing that every traffic queue, every roadwork diversion is taking precious minutes away from her time at home, with her family.
Thankfully, after the girls have been dropped off at their clubs, she can get home and crack on with making the evening meal, knowing that her partner will be picking them up. This is the part of the day where Jill can truly unwind. During weekdays, the kitchen is her sanctuary.
Having changed into comfortable clothes, she chops the vegetables and preheats the oven. Now is the time when she can really enjoy slipping into a mindful meditative state of cooking. Smelling the aromas, listing to the sizzling onion, feeling the textures of the ingredients, tasting the seasoning—the whole experience is absorbing. She can enjoy each moment by being in the present.
If she is feeling particularly indulgent, she might enjoy a small glass of wine. This hour of mindful cooking is the time when she can put the worries and tribulations of the day behind her. She has trained herself to be pretty good at not dwelling on the conversations and problems from work.
Once all the ingredients have been assembled, Jill puts the dish into the oven to bake. There’s still some time left before everyone gets home, so she decides to practice her Tai Chi. She has a class tomorrow evening, so she wants to work on the previous week’s moves.
Tai Chi class is a real highlight in her week. An hour of pure bliss, completely unrelated from anything else in her complicated life and it’s so absorbing that all her worries melt away. She feels so refreshed and recharged after the class, and the effect lasts for a few days. Enough to take her into the weekend. In between classes, she tries to fit a few minutes of practice in each day. Now she is adept at letting the moving meditation take hold of her awareness quite quickly. Within a couple of minutes, the practised movements lead her into a state of utter calmness.
She feels like a slowly moving river, in perfect harmony and tranquil in its environment and yet always in motion. Practising Tai Chi has taught her to be aware of her body, understanding how each muscle connects to her frame, and how balance and poise helps in turn to still the waters of her mind.
Her breathing becomes deeply relaxed, in sync with the inward and outward motions of the routine. She feels the energy in her Chung Gong, as if there is a warm glow in her core.
For five minutes or so, she writes in her mindfulness journal. This could be writing down her gratitudes for the day, or describing patterns of behaviour that she wishes to work on. Or simply noting down what techniques are working for her and which ones are not. Sometimes, she takes a few moments to picture her ideal day and her ideal life. When she has it clearly in her mind, she identifies one change she can make in her current lifestyle in order to get closer to her ideal. Writing this observation down means that this little insight isn’t forgotten.
Before she knows it, she hears her loved ones come through the door. It’s time for the evening meal. This is when the home fills with the energy of family. Everyone exchanging their stories of the day, unburdening themselves of the dramas and problems they have had to face, and the achievements and experiences they have lived though.
This process of cherished reconnection segues neatly into the sit-down meal, where everyone gathers around the kitchen table, still chatting, still laughing. The family, gathered together, is such a cherished time in Jill’s day. Sometimes it can be mired in squabbling or bad temper, but if so, it’s transient and of no big consequence. Bonding over food is one of the core activities that helps to ground Jill. She feels it awakens something ancient and instinctive within her.
She remembers a time when the family had slipped into a routine of people drifting in and out of the house, eating at different times, sometimes in different rooms. There seemed to be no heart to the evening’s routine, and no chance to truly bond as a whole family, without the aid of screens.
It took some work, but the family routine was changed, bit by bit, to accommodate the sit-down evening meal. Now, the household is in a much happier state. Stress is down, and there’s a habit of confiding in each other, in laughing and joking with each other, of having interesting and rambling conversations.
Whilst Jill’s partner deals with the dishes and the girls are having a quick play before bed, she nips out for an evening stroll around the block. She knows that the fresh air and exercise will benefit not just her mental state, but her fitness and her immune system. The sun has set and the sky is a peach pink. Blackbirds, starlings and even a wren or two are calling out their evening tunes. A dog barks somewhere in the neighbourhood. The evening air has cooled and the buildings she passes are turning on their lights.
This time of day Jill finds relaxing. There are so many things to observe. So many ways to anchor her into the moment. She sees life through a different lens, and pleasant thoughts bubble up as she strides along. A different kind of idea than those she might have, say, sitting on the sofa at home. As she walks though the neighbourhood, it is also as if she is moving through different parts of her mind. Surprising parts. Little discoveries, unexpected trains of thought.
Feeling content, she returns through the door in time to sit down and cuddle her daughters on the sofa whilst reading them a chapter of their latest fantasy book. Jill is trying out a new idea of no screens past eight o’clock, as the visual stimulation and blue light keep the brain receptors for sleep from properly activating. It was met with scepticism from the girls, but because everyone is trying it, they soon get used to it. And the book-at-bedtime routine is a hit. These brief family moments together can sometimes be rare and cherished islands within a busy weekday.
Here, Jill and her family have gone to a great effort to make the living room somewhere that is cosy and comforting to be. Pleasing colours, interesting but soothing lighting, homely. Together, they spend 15 minutes a day tidying the apartment, and that seems to be enough to keep the place from getting out of hand. And so when it comes to the evening, they don’t feel hemmed in by the mess and clutter. And they can enjoy their well-earned relaxation.
At the end of the chapter, the girls go off to bed. Jill and her partner stay up for another hour or two, reading, chatting or playing a boardgame. It’s this crucial time together, as adults, that really helps to glue the relationship and keep it firm. Otherwise, it can be so easy for couples to end up feeling like passing ships, leading virtually separate lives, such is the frantic nature of modern living.
Jill’s mindfulness practises encourage her to continually seek ways to improve her family’s overall happiness. Whether it’s making a small change to their diet, or their evening routine, or trying out a new mindfulness technique, Jill sees that this is an achievable way to slowly get to the point where her life, and the lives of her loved ones, are in a happier, more fulfilling place.
Jill and her partner turn in for an early night. She knows that getting enough sleep is essential to for mental and physical well-being. It’s when the body can rebuild and heal the damage created from the stresses of the day. Being well-rested is how Jill can better ensure she can cope with the following day. And getting the proper amount of sleep means people are generally happier and longer-lived.
And so, bit by bit, Jill makes these changes to her routine. To her life. She knows that it’s not perfect. It’s not yet the ideal that she strives for. Modern living places many obstacles in the way. And whilst mindfulness techniques can help her to manage with the stressful situations, a deeper, more lasting impact of mindfulness is the different perspective she gains on life.
After a few years of practising mindfulness, she is coming to understand that a simpler life, free from material distractions, is becoming more and more appealing. And thereby she and her family can live on a lower wage, and therefore exchange the material consumer luxuries that are so easy to fall into, for more time together, as a family, or following individual pursuits that give more meaning to their lives.
In short, mindfulness has given Jill the ability to reflect upon her life, and where she wants to get to. She has found that there are routes to happiness open to her from all directions, not just up ahead in some distant future retirement.
She has come to understand how much can be enjoyed during the process of living. And she has come to realise the importance of changes to her inner self, as well as her outer life.
When it comes to long-term happiness, there are important life choices that Jill must reflect on. She must choose whether to continue to play the game of the rat-race, and to endorse the norms of modern living, or to find alternatives, whereby she can function within the society she was born into, without being a slave to its ideas. She does not have to unthinkingly conform. There are choices open to her everywhere.
And so as Jill goes to bed, a small part of her is already examining the idea of whether there is another job that might be more fulfilling and less stressful. Perhaps one that doesn’t place so many demands upon her mental well-being. Perhaps something vocational. She knows that this might not pay as well, but she is already learning that she does not need to maintain a lavish lifestyle in order to be happy.
Jill is not yet conscious that she is debating a career change. It is still happening at an unconscious level, for now. She only knows that she has the power to direct her life in fulfilling, mindful ways. She has begun to experience moments of real joy and peace, through her mindfulness practices, and instinctively wishes to experience more. Because that is more in line with the kind of life that humans were evolved for. We were not evolved to experience flight-or-flight situations seven to eight hours a day. Our bodies were not meant to exist merely in a state of systemic triage. Our bodies reward us with good feelings and a sense of well-being when we follow a lifestyle that is good and healthy for us. And Jill can feel this deep down in every fibre of her being.
She feels that her mind, and her body are reconnecting, slowly, with her spirit—her true essence. And that gives her a feeling of joy. As each day passes, she is excited at reinforcing that connection, and finding out where it takes her.
“I love my life,” she says to her parter as she turns off the bedside lamp. “I love the life that I have.”
***
Now that you have read two contrasting examples of how different people in different situations can employ a mindful approach to life and the challenges and experiences it holds, I hope that you have gained a sense of how we can all utilise the philosophy and teachings of mindfulness to achieve a life that is less stressful and filled with anxiety, and more meaningful and happy in so many ways.
As well as the specific mindful skills that both Vita and Jill have incorporated into their way of living, a broader philosophy has percolated the principals that they live by and the decisions they take in life. This is perhaps once of the most important take-aways from any mindfulness course—that using your skills to achieve mindful states of awareness will inevitably begin to change the way you approach life in general. These mindful states can be so peaceful, so rewarding and fulfilling, that you begin to want to experience them more often. And eventually, you may reach the point where you wish to make significant life-changes to help you reach this goal.
So start tomorrow, begin your mindful day as you mean to go on. Open yourself to a new way of being, of experiencing and feeling. Introduce the skills you have learned one at a time, and start your journey toward a happier, healthier, more mindful life.
Download this course as an e-book or PDF
Download the online course as an e-book or PDF, then read at your leisure on your preferred device:
Leave a Reply